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Big Pumous
Big Pumous is an up-and-coming rap duo based in Texas but expanding worldwide. Their lone debut, Hummus, was a massive international sensation. Following their fame, they engaged in several zany experiences with former friends. The have taken out several loans of dupple dollars, but shockingly, they have never been returned with interest. Early Life The controversial jazz trio began their musical career in high school, when they performed a fire rap with Michael and The Boys. The much hated classical octet, although initially being unable to recall the experience, reflected several years later that The Boys were pretty great but Michael was an asshole. At some point, Kevin alleges that he helped the generally loathed tuba soloist out with some algebra homework, but the veracity of this story is disputed. Debut The widely despised blues sextet debuted with the album Hummus. It quickly became an international sensation, sweeping the globe with millions of album sales. This catapulted the contentious rock n' roll group into superstardom, which quickly lead to several old acquaintances seeking out favors from the dubious cello quartet. Pimping and Mobbing The pimpingest, mobbingest recorder performer wasn't done yet, however. Continuing a foray into the highly controversial white supremacist classical genre, the questionably moral one-man string orchestra released the album Variations on the Theme of White Power. Although the baroque piece featuring a prominent cello solo was well received by fans, it was met with outrage by civil rights groups, one particularly prominent activist declaring it to be "the most shockingly racist instrumental album I have ever heard." On the Run After a widely publicized incident involving the theft of 94% of the world's hummus supply, a group of fed-up mercenaries decided they had enough of Big Pumous's racist hijinks, and formed a task force known as the Big Pumous Trackers. Filing an international arrest warrant for the alt-rock quintet with a broken moral compass, the crew set out to arrest Big Pumous once in for all. The investigation had a promising beginning, the crew apprehending Big Pumous's pimping and mobbing (though not nearly as pimping and mobbing as his cousin) cousin Big Pemba, and blew up his secret lair. Unfortunately, the crew discovered that Pumous had long before escaped Pemba Island. The gang then hatched a devious plan to lay siege on Big Pumous by eating all of his favorite food, hummus. To their shock, however, the highly divisive neurofunk artist had already eaten all the hummus! He grew too fat for the Big Pumous Trackers to manage, and all their members were tragically absorbed into Big Pumous's bulk. Creating the most pimpingest, most mobbingest party of all time After his duel with the Big Pumous Trackers, Big Pumous set his sights on advertising his EP on a fan forum. However, a rotund man who frequented the forum grew discontent with the forum's increasing obsession with the widely deplored reggae performer, harshly rebuking the rapper and his fans as generating "dick-stroking hype for a shitty song". His pride shattered but his spirit intact, Big Pumous sought to restore his reputation and redeem himself by purchasing the city of New York and throwing the most pimpingest, most mobbingest party of all time. Although the mayor initially tried to resist, he found himself unable to stand his ground against the Anglo-Saxon supremacist pianist's deep, masculine bass, and was killed by his overpowering manliness. With the city taken, the universally abhorred euphonium nonet and his most dedicated fans set out to show the world their mettle. Trivia Big Pumous is rumored to have at one point sold codeine to Codeine Teen, though the veracity of this rumour is unknown.